The beeps kept ringing for months. The pause between every breath made it certain. Why ……why did I ask for it. I am low on patience. Didn’t know my impatience would result in a regret. I regret it almost everyday. I saw the tree being axed and still standing upright on the last inch of the trunk. And it was I who just wanted it to fall flat almost begging for mercy. I saw many numbers changing on screen 150….80….the line going flatter as if dying to take a breath.

While someone brought her in a wheel chair, I was waiting just outside the emergency of the local government hospital. I saw her, smiled causally and appreciated her new hair do. I am stupid. I did not cry. I felt stronger and moved her into the emergency. My aunt quickly  tried to put bindi on her forehead. But tears had blinded her. Everone was struggling except me.

She looked beautiful in her new hair cut. It was blunt. And the red bindi made her look stunning. Like always she did not mince words. She didn’t want to go home and wanted to be in a nice and clean hospital. We anyways had no choice.

When we say it’s just a number, it never is. We were also given numbers by the doctor and she also gave a number. She said five days. And so it was. On the very fifth morning a drop of blood from the nose was the beginning of all the worst that could possibly happen. The beginning of many unexpected ends.

The pauses started growing longer. The breath seemed just going in and she was trying not to let any bit of life go away. Mothers do not leave their sons. I whispered and assured her of something that I never did later on.

It worked then, and she left. But never to leave my thoughts ever since.

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One thought on “If Only……

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